The beginning of that short story is on hold until I can get a feel for what the hell is going on in that coffee shop. Life’s been rather busy – a good kind of busy, but busy nonetheless – over the part few days and I haven’t had a chance to stop and really ponder that girl in there and whoever it is coming to bump into her life. So until I can get something substantial out, it’s on hold (in my defense, we have a magazine going to press next week and I just got a freelance assignment so I’m writing quite a lot.)
Anyway, I have no idea who Theodore Isaac Rubin is and I’m not doing a mini-history lesson at one a.m. But I do know that he seems like a very wise man, because he said this:
“Learn to love the fool in you. The one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects you against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom you also harbor and who would rob you of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for your fool.”
How profound is that? The first bit, this fool that Rubin talks about…this is all that makes us human. The foolishness is the different between simply living and being truly alive, experiencing and interacting with the great moving thing we call life.
I am learning to accept being human as being one who makes mistakes, mistakes that involve hurting people. I’m not advocating the hurting people, per se, I’m just beginning to understand that I am not a china doll and that it’s alright for me to have a spine. The fool lives intensely and this involves hurting and getting hurt as well as a distinct lack of self control. I don’t need to go out of my way to do these things, but they happen because I am human and not porcelain. This is okay. The world will not stop spinning because I was angry and spoke my mind.
This is all very interesting…but I need to figure out this deal with that girl and the scarf.