Advice

So, on WordPress there’s this awesome Daily Post prompt idea. I don’t usually use it, but today’s struck me. It was something along the lines of “what’s the best piece of advice you’ve given someone that you’ve failed to listen to”?

Now, it seems to me that I’ve told a person or two (or half-dozen, or more, you never really know, I forget after I start repeating things) that they ought to let someone go. You know…someone they’ve dated or slept with or loved, or some combination of the three. I know I’ve said that, I don’t know how many times.

“It’s not a healthy relationship.”

“This isn’t working.”

“Being around him/her is just hurting you.”

Let them go. It all boils down to those three words, doesn’t it? And I suck, I absolutely fail on a monumentally gigantic scale, at listening to that particular strain of advice.

Because I love people. I’m not trying to make excuses, I just know this aspect of my personality: I grow terribly attached and don’t let go. I like having people I care about around, tethered by that invisible red thread that Chinese mystics like to say connects us all.

When I was younger, I used to tell the boys I dated that we had to stay friends after because, in my mind, not staying friends would mean we didn’t care about each other in the first place. Maybe I still think that way, sort of. I’d like to think that I’ve learned, that sometimes you can love someone but it’s just not going to work. Call it fate or God’s plan or an unlucky roll of the dice, but you and that person, together, just aren’t in the cards.

Maybe it’s better to let go, to break things cleanly. Seems to me like holding on, staying attached, has led to some pretty damn interesting, complicated, crazy, incredibly abnormal friendships/relationships/connections in my life. They’ve been good, and I’m glad for these lovely people in my life because I wouldn’t have given them as much time as I have if they weren’t incredibly awesome, good, funny, loving people. But it’s also…it’s been messed up, and letting go, lately, has been a very strange feeling. Some people have just drifted – it’s that stupid, cliche “we’re just at very different places in our lives right now” thing and we’ve lost touch – and that’s okay. Some have been a “we need to be done with this” kind of thing. One returned this summer, and that was a “talk to me again and I’m getting a restraining order”…that was fun.

So I don’t know. I just get so fond of people, and I like having them in my life because I’m interested in them, as human beings, even when we don’t work out. But I can certainly see how that could cause problems when I finally start seeing someone new, and I feel like it’s probably not fair to be this way.

Letting go. It’s fun stuff, huh? Clean breaks are good. So they say.

I’m not sure how I feel about this yet.

 

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