What I Mean to Say But Haven’t (draft 2)

What I Mean to Say But Haven’t
After Jhumpa Lahiri’s Survivorman

Here’s a truth: the first time you kissed me up against my car
after dinner at that Mexican dive, I kept my eyes open and watched
an old man hold the door for his wife, stooped behind her walker.

Here’s a lie: I believed you when you said it wasn’t as if you were really married,
that you and your wife had been separated for a year.

Here are some facts: I may have bought you the green toothbrush that lies
beside the sink, but most days I see it I forget why it’s there. When your wife and I
had a parent-teacher meeting to discuss how your little boy likes to run
around the playground pulling all the girls’ pigtails, I thought about telling her
you weren’t at work, but picking up take-out to bring to my apartment.
And whenever I see the toilet seat up, I imagine that a stranger has broken in.


2 thoughts on “What I Mean to Say But Haven’t (draft 2)

  1. You are a whiz at writing about complicated relationships my dear. I re-read ‘the days you left’… I remembered it was good but I fell completely in love with it upon this 2nd reading. It’s so weird how you can have no experience with something and still convey authentic emotion appropriate to the situation.
    But yeah…. I loved it. It needed to be published badly. And this is coming along really well too!
    (also, I miss you)

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